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Dad Again


Still going through my old journals looking for details to work into my book about Ben (working title - "3,500: An Autistic Boy's Ten Year Romance with Snow White"), and I came across something I wrote back in 2004 about my dad. This was written late one night, immediately after getting home from seeing the movie Big Fish. It was a few months after I had moved from Seattle to Orlando, and my then-fiance, now-wife Kris had not yet made the move so I was living alone in a new city with no friends or family nearby.  It was odd stumbling across this only a few days after my Father's Day post earlier this week, and I feel like it really gets to the core of some of my own mixed up feelings about my dad.  So anyway, here it is, resurrected from eight years ago: I spent about fifteen or twenty minutes this evening hiding inside a bathroom stall with my face buried in my hands; I was crying, sobbing as quietly as possible because I didn't want to have to talk to anyone or explain what was wrong. Of cou ...


On this Father's Day, I would like to take a little time to remember my own father. He passed away nearly sixteen years ago, a victim of colon cancer, and I still miss him.

Growing up, we had kind of a distant relationship. It wasn't horrible or abusive, I know so many people for whom "father" was synonym for "monster", but we were never particularly close. My parents separated when I was very young, and I only have three memories of the time in which I lived with him in the same house.

Ben and Snow White

Ben and Snow White

About Shmoolok

The word "shmoolok" is a mashup of the longtime computer handles for my wife and myself ("Shmooby" and "Lokheed", respectively).

I originally created this website to be a place for my family to connect, but it has since grown into something a little different.

As for me -- I am a father, a husband, a son, a software developer, and a writer. On any given day I am not sure how good I am at any of those particular things, but I do try my best.

Thank you for visiting my website.

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ISBN: 1-482-09330-8

Benjamin's Lullaby

Popular Entries

There has been an influx of new readers to my blog. If you wound up here looking for stories about my son's ten year romance with Snow White's Scary Adventures, here are the major blog posts you will want to read:

SW1K - The Full Story

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SWSA Final Night - Prelude

SWSA Final Night, Part 1 - The Beginning of the End

SWSA Final Night, Part 2 - The Fairest One of All

SWSA Final Night, Part 3 - Counting Up, Counting Down

SWSA Final Night, Part 4 - The Big Ending

SWSA Final Night - Epilogue

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